Border Patrol - Series Eight, Episode One

What I have to say is thank you for being honest but that wasn't very nice.

– Immigration officer Joyce responds to a Bulgarian admitting he 'skimmed' $7000 from an ATM machine in New Zealand

The two young ladies with a suitcase of condoms on a four day holiday, organised by someone they hardly know, all point to a prostitution racket.

– Narrator Tim Balme explains why immigration are concerned about two new arrivals

We shoot a high volume of content, because we never know what flight, or what day, or what person is going to turn into a story . . . Sometimes we will film for a couple of weeks and come back with absolutely nothing, Then suddenly you’ll get three great stories in a day.

– Border Patrol producer Jani Alexander, The Spinoff, 12 June 2024

New Zealand's air, sea and land borders are constantly under attack from drugs, prohibited goods, and reckless visitors arriving with plants, pests and animal diseases that could cripple our economy overnight. But our vigilant protectors are always on the job: the men and women from Customs, Immigration and Ministry for Primary Industries. They are the gatekeepers, protecting New Zealand's way of life.

– Narrator Tim Balme introduces the show

If this green tree snake from Australia gained entry into New Zealand, it would pose a huge threat to our native fauna.

– Narrator Tim Balme

Border Patrol is like a contraband box of chocolates — you never know what you’re going to get. It might be a festering horse head, a Latvian national declaring that he is here to start a new country, or a middle-aged woman with a suitcase lining laced with $800,000 worth of cocaine. There could be a man with suspiciously wet cargo pants, later revealed to be smuggling dozens of tropical fish under his clothes, or a Canadian woman who brought a live cat in her carry-on. Whatever episode you watch, one thing is for sure: someone is going to get busted.

– Spinoff writer Alex Casey pays tribute to Border Patrol, 12 June 2024

Auckland International Airport processes eight million arrivals every year.

– Narrator Tim Balme, at the start of this episode

If each one of these sides of this piano is all made out of drugs , that's quite a lot of drugs...

– A customs officer describes the contents of a large and suspicious package

Beautiful markings on it, lovely colouring. But we definitely don't want them in New Zealand.

– A Ministry of Primary Industires biosecurity officer describes a stowaway green tree snake